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Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Heart for Your Husband, cont.

Having a great marriage takes hard work, as does anything that is worthwhile. As we go through these points together, I never want to make it sound like an easy thing to implement each of these four areas into our lives. It takes a stern commitment as we seek to obey God. At the same time, God will equip us. He gives us instruction in His Word so we know what to do, godly people to encourage us, and His Spirit to guide us. You can have a wonderful marriage - it really is what God wants for each of us that are married.

So, with that said, how are you doing at helping your husband? Have you started asking your husband how you can help him each day? How about submitting to him? Have you found a positive word to use in response to his requests? Are you bending in his direction? These were the first two ways we learned we are to have a heart for our husband. Today let's move on to the last two ways we can have the right kind of heart for him.

3. Respect your husband. This means the same as the word for our reverential fear we have for the Lord. It's visual, it's seen by everyone. Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Treat your husband as you would Christ himself. How would we talk to Christ? How would we greet Him when we walked in the door? This is how we're to treat our husband.
Ask of your attitude, "Am I demonstrating respect for my husband?" This is what it means - we're to be affectionate, loving and showing respect that is seen by others and our husband.

4. Love your husband. This is a phileo love - friendship love. This means being best friends with your husband. Treat him lovingly. We become a husband lover. Again, it has to be a decision that he is the number one human priority in our lives. This puts him above our parents. He is before our children, and our married children. That puts him ahead of a best friend, a sister who's been your best friend all of your life. He has to be your number one relationship, and he must know it!

Who is the first one you call when you learn some good news? Make sure your husband is the one you contact before anyone else, then with his permission you can share the news with others. Make him first.
To love your husband means choosing him over other human relationships. Keep him first before your children. It's easy to become child-centered. Where do your children want to sit when you and your husband on the couch? Between you two! That's symbolic of what they want to do, and we have to be careful that we keep our husband number one.

We need to ask of our decisions - am I spoiling my husband rotten? That is our assignment from God. That's how we show him we love him.
I love one scene in Andy Griffith where Briscoe Darling thinks Aunt Bee is falling for him because she gives him butter for his potato, extra pot roast at dinner, more pearly onions because she learns that he likes them, and then she finishes off his meal with several pieces of pie. He looks at her and says, "Miss Bea, it appears that you're specializing on me!" My husband and I use that phrase often with each other when one or the other does something especially thoughtful. But in reality that's we should be doing for our husband on a daily basis. So "specialize" on him!
Elizabeth ended with a checklist. See how you're doing...

  • Pray for your husband - Ask him how you can be praying for him, then ask about that request and how it went.
  • Plan for him - Love doesn't' just happen. It has to be planned for. Plan special meals. Plan special times alone. A friend of Elizabeth's has a baked potato date each week. Plan for him daily, for his homecoming. Prepare the house, prepare your greeting, prepare the very words you're going to say. I have found a blog where the gal has challenged her readers to have a weekly date night with their husband. I don't know if this writer is a Christian, but she has the right understanding that a marriage takes time together to foster the relationship. If you go here you can get some good ideas of date suggestions. Planning time together is the only way it will happen! Let him know he's first by planning date nights with him and him alone! Prepare the children - Daddy's coming home. Turn the TV off. Have the table set - it's the promise of that which is to come. Plan not to be on the phone. You usually know when your husband's going to walk through the door. You can prove he is your number one priority by not being on the phone with anyone.
  • Please him. Does he like the salt on the table? Does he like to read the newspaper? Does he need a big breakfast? Is his football game on?
  • Protect your time with him. If he's home, you want to be at home. One woman said she didn't know where her husband was. One night she stayed at home, and there he was!
  • Praise him

We want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. Obeying these four important words - help, submit, respect, and love will help us to be what God intended! We've got lots of work to do and we can do it with the Lord's help. Don't feel overwhelmed, just work on one thing at a time and watch what the Lord will do in your marriage as you have a heart for your husband.

Cheering you on!


Whitney said...

Am I allowed to comment since I'm not married? I just have to say I love your Briscoe Darling quote. Just remember to curb them hot flashes! =)

Denise said...

Of course you can comment and thanks for the advice!

Dale said...

After reading your posts this week and knowing what you studied this month, I can say that God gave me a wife "full of excellence" (Prov. 31:10). You are a rare find that I treasure beyond words.I love yoy dearly!